Feeling better, thinking better, living better, loving better

So I did this little 180. I'm trying to get back to this place I once was. I mean, I know you can never totally go back to a certain time. The conditions can never be perfectly replicated. It's kind of like a recipe. It'll be slightly different each time to you make. But I know I can at least gather together the same ingredients that I was using say, oh, four years ago. I had just expatriated from Boston, a place full of drugs and sadness and filth, returning to Burlington, to my love. Life from there was so beautiful for so long. Then whatever happened happened and I started sinking, imperceptibly so, until I was really low. And I noticed it. I noticed a huge gulf from where I had been to where I was. Huge. Some lyrics came from it: "I miss you the way you were, the way you were when we were together/I miss me the way I was, the way I was when we were together..." It's kind of like a person gaining weight. If you've ever gained weight slowly, slowly, slowly, you know what I mean. It's like, one minute you're wearing a size six, the next time you go shopping, you only fit into the tens. You think, "How the fuck, when the fuck, did that happen." So, anyhow, 180. Doing a 180. Eli and I used to always talk about how we knew what we needed to do, we knew how we needed to live to be happy, but actually executing those tasks, actually living that way, was the hard part. This time, it seems ridiculously easy. And it's not like I could have lived this way from 2006 until now. Not straight through. It wouldn't have the same sweetness as it does right now. You need the lows to appreciate the highs. You need the sweet to appreiate the sour. So on, so forth.

Geronimo, here I go
Everybody look out down below
Better if I relinquish control

Paradox horoscope
Worthy of a closer look
It was staring right at me
It was standing naked in front of me

Alter ego ultimatum
I could love 'em, leave 'em, hate 'em
It was staring right at me
It was standing naked in front of me

Birthday party divebomb bender
Faith in God alone defends her
It was staring right at me
It was standing naked in front of me