Expectation ruined autonomy

I've been thinking about the next tattoo I want. I mean, the Gustav Klimt Nuda Veritas will come eventually, but I know it will probably be at least a couple hundred bucks and I'm having a fun time thinking about the pillar of words down my right wrist/inside forearm. Words, words, words. The one that strikes me the most right now is "autonomy," meaning living by one's own rules, freedom, independence. Now I just need to figure out what font I want, or if I just wanna blow up the entry in the dictionary and use the little phonetic pronunciation symbols thing (i.e. au' ton-omy, or whatever it might be for that word). It occurred to me this morning that it's when I lose that sense of independence from all outside influence that I start to sink, sink, sink. Then it occurred to me that I could trace this loss of autonomy to when I was welcomed into the Aether Everywhere family. NOW! Stop right there. I know a look of disgust coupled with a flash of contempt just manifested on your face/in your mind. Being an Aether Everywhere label artist was really an amazing experience. It was one of those things where I was like, oh, people like my music, sweet. I met lots of wonderful guys and we all became friends and I have had so many positive experiences with these people. However, for me, being part of a label that is touted as "experimental" wasn't maybe the best move. Those damn labels (labels as in "folk," "hip hop," etc. Not "a company that releases recordings."). Those damn expectations. I don't think I intend to be an experimental artist. I mean, OK, yeah, I'll give you something pretty that morphs into some mash up fuck job of chaos, but isn't that just a reflection of life? Isn't that just kind of like classical sonata form? Introduce the themes (expostulation), make it into something crazy (development), bring the familiar stuff back (recapitulation). These loop pieces are also kind of what I like to think of Nuda as sometimes being: the ugly next to the beautiful, the orderly next to the confused, the smart next to the dumb. So what I'm getting at with autonomy (and I'll get there, I promise), is that when I become associated with others, in a way I adopt a sense of having a responsibility towards them. What do I mean? Ahhh, like Songs for Doing Dishes/Still Lives could have been released months earlier without Still Lives, but I felt like SfDD wasn't "experimental" enough to be released on AE. So eventually SL came, too, and then whole thing felt complete. I'm glad Still Lives did come, because it's this little document of time, all these little still life photos (get the name now?). And then from there, I felt like everything I did had to have a certain level of "experimental" in it, or people were gonna think, "This chick thinks she's experimental? That was just a bunch of songs." And I should just not give a shit, but I started to. And now I don't want to anymore, you know what I mean? I don't want to feel guilty for wanting to play a whole set of songs. I don't want to feel guilty playing a bunch of mash up shit. Unfortunately, all of that guilt is sourced inside of me, so it's therefore up to me to exclude it from my palette of feelings. The morals of this story? I want a tattoo that says "autonomy," right under "SISU;" I want to independently release Verses of Versus -or- Nothing's New.